|
03:26 pm
[Link] | wow!!! the random button is obsessed with me...nice....
im flattered that people are interested in my babbling!
i recently moved back home (lack of roomate) after my car got stolen...so thats fun.
someone requested details of the jail expierence....
actually looking back i had fun.
my friend tina was there and we got jumpsuits that were too big and jumped around and used contraband (rubber gloves) to hold our hair back as we made kool-aid....such great memories....but seriously jail sucks. unless youre rolling..which i was.
So im back to the insomnia scene....the party till youre stupid crowd is hard to get away from. club envy on fridays...insomnia saturdays...flip all week to take care of expenses. seems like such a sad pattern when you think about it....so i dont. live life while youre young...theres plenty of time to grow up ahead of you...and if not...you had the time of your life in the years you had.
So i got back together with Scott...we broke up around christmas time because he cheated on me....and i punched him in the face...several times....
Who wants a roomate? i can pay 400-500 a month!!! and ill have a car soon!!!
ill try to update this soon...but my computer is no more so im not promising anything...maybe ill get some pictures on here soon too....
"The living have a chance to change their future but the dead and the dead are all alike."
|
|
08:26 pm
[Link] | So i just got home........FROM JAIL.
yeah...fucking jail...
that was an experience to say the least..
fuck grand prairie.
|
|
03:53 pm
[Link] | I feel....like im not going anywhere...
Im sitting here...in a somewhat nicely furnished apartment....with people i call friends...making hella money without ever having to go anywhere...
And accomplishing nothing.
Im not in school. I dont have a legit job.
Ever been to Insomnia?
Thats how i feel.
I am the 100+ confused 20 somethings wandering at 4am thinking maybe this week will be different from the last...maybe this 4am wont be as pathetic as the last...maybe this week ill find that drug that makes everything better...maybe when the doors open the sun wont hurt...maybe ill embrace it instead of crawling back towards the corner...
but probably not.
another week will go by
that will leave me more unsatisfied than the last
|
|
04:08 pm
[Link] | I....have a job. :)
|
|
04:23 pm
[Link] | so life is a bitch...
im losing my apartment and my phone has been turned off.
Ive got an interview at dennys on wednesday
And ill be able to take a piss test....ive been good lately :)
If anyone needs to contact me you can call me at jakes
972 522 1093
|
|
09:20 am
[Link] | SOOOOO things arnt so cool anymore. well they are...and sometimes not so much... the first thing i have to say is..
FUCK OWENS
and
FUCK JIM
Thats right kids....jim fired me from owens and he didnt have the balls to do it himself to my face...the bastard...
we decided we are going to spray paint owens...not spray paint things on owens...but...spray paint everything.
now i have to find a new job. and they will have drug tests. which will be good for me...but seeing as im practically living in the "tabby shack" its going to suck ass.
I tried a few new things during our crack fest last week...and...i havnt found anything but ecstacy that i like...so i guess thats a good thing. :)
So the tabby shack....this guy jakes apartment is the drug capital of the arlington/ grand prairie area...its him me stoner bob and karl who pretty much live there now...i was invited into the "family" which resulted in our 4 day crackfest last week...good times!!
ive resorted to flipping for my source of income...and its kinda depressing....i really do hate it...but its such badass money for really no work at all...but i hate it...ive turned in 15 applications in the last 2 days...so hopefully something will work out!!
anyway...thats about all thats going on with me.
|
|
12:09 pm
[Link] | Alright...did i not just say that i was not open to debate on this topic? My using has never influenced my school or work life and as far as my friends...those of them that have hung out with me havnt noticed a difference. Whoever you are....you dont know me...you cant say that im fucked up and friends are walking away from me...one friend who hasnt seen me in months left a comment on my journal saying we cant be friends. oh wait..yeah i see...that makes me fucked up beyond repair. If you dont know me and you dont know my situation and you dont have anything non condemning to say dont leave a fucking comment.
|
|
03:34 pm
[Link] | wwhhhoooaaaaa i had no intention to start a debate on my journal!
Radley: Thanks for the defense, i know youve been there...email me or IM me i left contact info in a comment on your journal...we dont talk enough. Im sorry we lost contact.
Sean: You cant say you love me to death and abandon me. It doesnt work that way. Either desert me or stay with me...love or hate...its not a hard decision. Just because i choose to do something doesnt mean you have to do it and it doesnt mean im any different of a person. I wish you would open up your mind and look at me the same way you always have instead of something warped and disgusting because of my lifestyle.
On another thought. Richard still likes me.
|
|
02:42 pm
[Link] | Drugs open so many different points of view...and make you think way to much...
Im fried for life i think
I have never in my life thought for one second that I would ever be caught up in this lifestyle...and now that I'm here...i love it.
I'm so much more open-minded....i worry less....i love before i hate...everyone and everything is beautiful...
life is rather beautiful...and its amazing how much power something so insignificant as a human being can hold over something as powerful as life...
I took the bridge at 95 last night...and i didnt even watch the road...i watched the lights of the thousands of people doing thousands of things people do that had no idea i was there...all the lights flared and sparkled back at me and just reminded me of everywhere I've been in life...Then i was off the bridge back on the highway...took a turn and went another direction...onto more lights and more people doing people things....
Every paragraph except this one has started with I....does that mean Im self absorbed....it might.
Nature is awesome...I layed in the grass in a park somewhere in Irving for a few hours...just feeling the warm grass on my back and watching the stars flare back at me...trying to imagine how many people in the world were laying down feeling the grass on their backs and watching the same stars i was...I felt so connected to everyone and everything...when you think of the world as sharing everything that we share...i dont understand anything at all.
If everyone in the world popped a tab at the same time...there would be no war...ever...I dont understand why drugs have to be "bad"!! If something clears your mind of hate enough to love your greatest enemy with a passion...how can that be bad?
Oh yeah...i have a boyfriend. His name is Richard and he likes me.
Now i have to go home.
Current Mood:  enthralled
|
|
01:30 pm
[Link] | white octagons are bullshit....
man i was pissed...
yeah i know i said i was going to quit...but i dont want to.
but im going to slow my roll for a few weeks....i dont want to build a tolerance...
|
|
07:41 am
[Link] | ecstasy is the greatest substance known to man...
wednesday night...
lets roll
|
|
02:50 pm
[Link] | yeah well...fuck you too...
not sure whats wrong with me today...
i dunno what it is...but mutilating(modifying?) my body with various inks and metal appendages really relieves stress...stuck my ears with two new needles last night...and i felt good...my ears were throbbing and i just wanted to drive as fast as traffic would allow with the windows down singing along with the radio...i love that feeling...
i hate when people assume that they have everything in the world to be upset about and they have to have everyone feel sorry for them...im glad my childhood really sucked so that stupid shit doesnt bother me...even when i am bothered by something serious... i wont tell you. eventually ill get over it...easy as that..
So i saw scott...not sure if this is a good idea or a bad idea...he gave phillip a run for the "ideal" for awhile though...i think im just like chelsea sometimes...just less eccentric...looking for love for the sake of love...
another boy is starting to worry me...no feelings for him as of yet...but he is my type...and it seems hes interested...he calls more than once a day usually and leaves random things im my car that he "forgot" and has to come over and hang out with me to get them and "forgets" something else...i wont mention his name though...and no one else better either...i dont know who reads this...he has a girlfriend...
Im sorry if i dont see some of you as often as i should...i still love you...
|
|
12:06 pm
[Link] | Pick ONE from each pair that you think describes me the best & leave it in the comments. Then copy this and post it in your own journal to see how your friends view you.
1. Dominant or submissive
2. Logical or intuitive
3. Social or loner
4. Kinky or vanilla
5. Cute or sophisticated
6. Kitten or puppy
7. Warm flannel sheets or sleek satin
8. Leader or follower
9. Quiet or talkative
10. Spontaneous or planned
11. Teddy bear or porcelain doll
12. Hiking or window shopping
13. Tequila or vodka
14. Top or bottom
15. Bare foot or shoes
16. Jeans or slacks
17. Tender or rough
18. Aware or dreamy
19. Nerd or geek
|
|
02:30 pm
[Link] | Jessi's mix cd kicks ass.
Work kicks my ass.
Cant wait to move out...
Im so ready...and not for "independence" like most people...i honestly have just as much independence at home than i would anywhere else...its just...time.
If i find out who keeps fucking with my car...Ill do more than make empty threats to kick your ass on my live journal...
|
|
11:46 am
[Link] | GOD DAMN DRAMA
nate didnt call...i spent the night in the same bed with his brother saturday night (didnt do anything, it wasnt like that)
nate called wes at like 7am and i could hear him and wes said hey dude katies right here want to talk to her...nate was like ...nah
asshole
wes has had my number for...i dunno a few weeks....hes never called me...ive never called him...unless someone was following someone somewhere and we needed directions or some shit like that....
so he calls me sunday night...just because...we talked about shooting things and the dent in my car and him and his brother and work and school
so weird...but oddly ok? i guess?
i told him to call me next time hes in town( later this week) and we will hang out...he said he will
2 brothers....assholes in opposite ways....
Current Mood:  frustrated
Current Music: Married with Children-Oasis
|
|
12:50 pm
[Link] | so i got my nails done for the first time ever...and its so weird to type with your nails instead of your fingers...im still getting used to this not sure how much i like this.
so the cowboy thing is over (i think) and honestly im not upset about it...
since ive dumped phillip for good ive been in a much better mood....its like all the things that i really am that he didnt like are coming out all at once and i feel so.....amazing...
i feel like i can do anything...and more...
i never realized how much he really dragged me down...
thanks for all of you that have been telling me forever that he isnt right for me....and im sorry i never listened untill recently. i love you all. (Chrissy...Sean.......)
party time guys.
may 21st after prom
heather's apartment
kegs and margarita machines
admission 5$
hawaiian theme
everyone is invited
final decision: im not going to prom
its overrated...and i dont like enough people at school to go hang out.
so...lets party
Current Mood:  satisfied
Current Music: The Wallflowers-God dont make lonely girls
|
|
02:44 pm
[Link] | *sigh* ive met a new boy :)
and hes a cowboy...
so hot...
and i like this one...
and he doesnt have the IQ of wax (beto)
and he doesnt make me cry (phillip)
and...hes a cowboy
me and alex showed up at his house a little early...and he was in the shower
and he walked out in a towel and his cowboy hat...omg
i swear my jaw dropped...
and...we really hit it off...
and i ended up spending the night...
i hope he calls...
Current Mood:  giggly
|
|
12:02 pm
[Link] | Aha! an update!
So Ive been having alot of drama...with a certain someones really dumb girlfriend...stupid high school drama...
going to go see phillip today (i think)
wish me luck :)
had an interview at victorias secret...still waiting on the final decision....
i hope i get it.
fuck owens.
|
|
12:23 pm
[Link] | whoa....monday morning after the weekend...didnt go to school...pounding headache man...*sigh* wish i could remember saturday night...looks like i was having alot of fun in the video lol....theres about 10 minutes of me laying on the living room floor...singing about laying on the living room floor...and mallory and her curtain obsession lol..mallory is so funny when shes wasted...she does this little hop dance thing...and likes to pet all the curtains in the house...i might have just thought everything was funny though...nothing was probably as funny as i thought. man...was that fun...
on an even better note....i lost 9lbs between saturday and now...woooot
and another note...sam? something you arnt telling me? lol
i mean...youre cool and all...but married...isnt this a little quick?
|
|
01:46 pm
[Link] | *sigh*...
im not getting anywhere...
I havnt written anything in....who knows how long...
I play everyday...and...nothing is coming to me at all.
Guh.
I have a problem.
I have two boys...and i dont know which one is the better choice.
So...lets see.
*Phillip*
lots of history (2ish years on and off)
knows me better than anyone
makes me laugh when i need it
wants a future with me
always affectionate
protective in a cute, not creepy, way
no matter what happens...hes always there.
we have this connection...the kind of connection where you look at each other and just smile...and its a whole conversation.
is talented at everything he does
has alot of the same goals as me
cheated on me
more than once
but its in the past
is stubborn
knows how to piss me off
is going to the national guard.
so...he will be in grand prairie
wants to move in together
get married
have kids
that kinda thing
*Beto*
is funny
sweet
affectionate
willing to spend time with me...but not suffocate me
underdstands that i dont know what i want
has goals in life
honestly likes me for me
open-minded
is lacking a bit on the common sense
but its more cute than annoying
kinda iffy on the long term-ness according to friends
we hang out with all the same people...so if we started something that didnt work...things would be awkward
no history...so its a risk..i dont really know this guy.
after writing this list...im leaning more towards phillip. Its still a hard decision though...
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
nodearthatsacow's journal